1. |
The Size of Wales
03:53
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Ten light years in the blink of an eye. They came in through a hole in the sky. Flat Earthers got themselves in a roll. Bring out the telescope there’s room for us all.
It’s the size of Wales
Pea-soupers got their spacesuits on. I fill my lungs with Styrofoam. Scarecrows in the Van Allen Belt. You don’t believe me but I know what I felt
It’s the size of Wales
Did you hear the joke about the Queen? She’s in orbit around the moon. Moving glaciers with her mind. Growing flowers up her arms and her legs
Sleeping it off in terrible ways. Everything now is the size of Wales. The grass is always greener where the lights turn on. The grass is always greener where the grass is gone.
It’s the size of Wales
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2. |
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Who invented the jet pilot? A complete history of witchcraft
Five lifetimes of pizza required. A complete history of witchcraft
Abigail the first one through the door. My president, my lover, sometimes more.
St Christopher take that Jesus off your back. This is Easyjet, they’ll put him in the rack
Who invented the jet pilot? A complete history of witchcraft
Five lifetimes of pizza required. A complete history of witchcraft
Verity good kicker of the ball. She took us all witching in the snow.
Pushing hard for our summer arms. We’ve been working on our fitness at the farm.
Over pronators they just kept on coming. Flicking their tongues on the tips of the morning.
Tell me good neighbour are there broomsticks on them?
I saw them all standing in a row.
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3. |
Monkey Ate The Monkey
03:26
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When I got out of school I put on my dark sunglasses. Threw away the tangerine from my pocket.
I saw you standing there. Dressed like a rocket. Saying, if the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
Monkey ate the monkey, the monkey ate the monkey.
Twenty years later, I pull my car over. Just before midnight, after a sixteen hour drive. I saw this comet moving, moving over Monmouth. Saying, if the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
Monkey ate the monkey, the monkey ate the monkey.
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
We wrote this song, to steal all your souls.
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4. |
Magnitude 4.2
03:46
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I spilled my protein shake on my lap as the tremor shook through the bar. The pretty waitress came to clean me up, replacing my bendy straw. The chef burst in from the kitchen, a cake under each arm. “We’re all survivors let’s celebrate, that earthquake did us no harm.”
What was it? Magnitude 4.2
I started thinking about this song and a message I want to share. I started putting all these lyrics down when a cameraman pulled up a chair. “We’re going live in the next few minutes, tell us what’s on your mind.” “If Jonathan Harker had read Tripadvisor, I bet he would have run a mile.”
What was it? Magnitude 4.2
Your protein shakes me
I’m feeling thankful, I’m feeling humble, I’m feeling truly blessed. These kind of things happen once a lifetime and I think I did pass the test. I think I really passed the test. I think I really passed the test!
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5. |
Rupert Are You Ready?
04:31
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Rupert are you ready, are you ready Rupert? I’ve got something here if you want to shoot it Rupert.
She’s under the bed. She’s up the wall. She is everywhere. I may be vain, I may be late. I moved the moon just to hide your face. We have never hated you Rupert. We have always loved you Rupert.
What’s mine is mine. What’s yours ain’t yours. Take off your jacket, throw off your clothes. What good is a reason if the reason is violence? I see a future where men like me will rule the universe in bobble hats and tweed. Beneath the undergrowth I’m waiting with a lens. I’ll hold it all together, before the story ends.
That’s about it all. Lights, camera act just like we’re equals. I got stuck as the Transporter waited. Wolfgang Sexwax Amadeus. I’ll return when the dust starts to settle. Lights, camera, hide amongst your equals. I got my eyes on your eyeballs. I got my eyes on your eyeballs baby.
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6. |
Trig
04:47
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Fuck off. Carl Sagan in Greggs? Landlocked, between his coffee and his eggs. Stay there, it’s really not that complicated. Find a Trig, she’ll pull us out of this mess.
Send Trig. This is all getting out of hand.
Hold me down. I never we wanted these wings. Lights out, I’ve got a forest fire waiting. Are we lost? Is there a chance that anybody is out there?
Send Trig. This is all getting out of hand.
I got sacked. I didn’t mind. Rode another, rode another.
Be kind to your gardener. He’ll cut your hair when you’re dead.
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7. |
Days of Meat
03:54
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It’s been so long since my days of meat. I can’t let you go.
Say no more, we’re the dinner ladies, scooping out your insides. On the left side of your ribs where the fun times live.
It’s been so long since my days of meat. I can’t let you go.
Hold me close tiny dancer as I’m slipping on a cold one. Sometimes I require immediate elevation.
How you gonna sleep, falling out your mouth? Come down hard on banana skins. Took your eyes off the road for a full minute. Come down hard on banana skins.
If I lose a kilogram a day. In ninety two days I disappear.
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8. |
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I remember walking over to your house, while you took a bath next to the kitchen. And your mother made me a drink of something sweet, so I started sweating on the bacon. I see my auntie sleeping on top of the bedsheets in the morning. With a lightbulb in her mouth, because we all know she’s gone astral travelling. I see my uncle selling fresh strawberries from the bottom of his garden, while my cousin digs a hole in the ground, all the way to Australia. I see my grandparents standing in the hallway, fixing themselves in the mirror. As the circus hits town, so they all roll out, throwing away their draft excluders. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s raining where I am, at the edge of the known universe, and I’m watching all the people that I love. Wishing I could bring them back.
Don’t you know, there’s one thing on my mind? Even though, I’ve gone through space and time.
Your porridge doesn’t fill me up. You know your porridge doesn’t fill me up, and it’s never ever filled me up. I know, it’s a strange thing to think.
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9. |
Ten
01:35
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If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
If the monkey ate the monkey, then what ate me?
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The Vega Bodegas Cardiff, UK
"The Vega Bodegas trip the light fantastic between surreal stand-up and unhinged rock and roll" WalesOnline
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